Kurt and I recently had the wonderful opportunity to go to something called Coaches Outreach. This was something that I had no idea even existed until this year, but someone at church mentioned it in a sermon and we were interested. Thanks to some wonderful people that we know, we were able to go to Coaches Outreach a couple of weekends ago. I was nervous and I know Kurt was, being the social butterfly that he is. (If you know my husband, you know being thrown into a group of people he does not know is stressful.) Coaches Outreach is a marriage retreat for coaches and their spouses. I was not sure what to expect when we got there. It exceeded any expectations I might have had. The food was so good ( I felt like all we did was eat!) and the man that did the music was hilarious and talented. I bought one of his CDs because I liked the songs so much. The greatest part of it though is that it showed so many coaches coming together and there were sessions and small groups in which we participated in and the weekend really emphasizes bringing and keeping God in your life, your family life, and your profession. Here are some things that I took away from the weekend:
* There are other coaches wives or husbands out there that struggle, get lonely, frustrated, ect. If you haven't been married to a coach, I don't think you can get this. I knew Kurt wanted to be a coach from day 1, but I had NO clue that that entailed lots of early mornings, late nights, dinners alone, and weekends. I was kind of shell shocked our first year of him coaching because he was gone all the time. We had just moved and I didn't know anybody and that made it harder. He would get up and leave before I was up, and I usually did not know when he would be home. I spent a lot of time frustrated, sometimes angry, and even resentful towards Kurt and his career. I think Kurt will be the first to say that he probably did not handle that first year the best that he could either, but I know now that my attitude could have been different. I met one lady at CO that truly loved every minute of her husband's career and said that she felt her attitude during that time needed to be very positive and uplifting. I wish I had felt that way the first year. I will say I was blessed enough to have other coaches wives around me that first year that were supportive and great women. I hope that it is that way everywhere, but I doubt that it always the case. So please, if you are a coaches wife, especially one that has been in that position for awhile, be supportive of the new coaches families moving in, take those younger coaches wives under your wing. They may not always need it and that is something you can figure out along the way, but sometimes they will need it. It was just so nice to get with other people that know what it is like to be married to a coach, even if you do it for years and years, there are hard moments and you need a good support system.
* My attitude plays a huge role. Like I said earlier, there was woman that said something that really stood out to me. I think one spouse was voicing her dislike of football (and yes it is okay to not just LOVE sports if you marry a coach, but it will make it easier if you at least learn to like them) and this particular woman talked about how she loved football season, everything that went with it, and that she felt her attitude really needed to be positive and that she worked hard to be involved in what her husband was doing. So rather than sulking and being frustrated all of the time, I could have changed how I was viewing the situation. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it is not okay for a coaches spouse to have those moments when they have just had enough, it will happen and it is okay. But I know that my attitude needs to depend on me and not what is going on around me. I need to roll with whatever happens and if I do get frustrated, learn to deal with it in the moment and let it go. I've learned firsthand that nothing good comes from Kurt coming home to an unhappy wife. If there is truly an issue, then we can discuss it after he's been home and has time to wind down.
* Get your priorities straight. If I don't have time in my day for God, then I need to rearrange my priorities. This one sounds like it should be common sense right? Well I know I have a lot of days where I get up and get so busy that I never make time for God and that a lot of people do the same. Once August hits and football starts, it is so easy to get caught up and so busy that I don't make time for God and Kurt and I don't make time for each other. We have been guilty of both of these in the past and they were both something we talked a lot about with our small group. I think that anybody could benefit from remembering this. Yes you have a job, yes you may spend a lot of time there, but if you aren't spending time with God and you are neglecting time with your family, you need to step back and take a look at the big picture and it's time to change some things.
* Staying home is important. I love being a stay at home mom, but I have had moments where I struggled with my purpose. I put a lot of pressure on myself recently when a job opened up and I applied and interviewed. I did put everything I had into that interview, but I still felt very torn as well. I have not worked since Eli was born and was so conflicted on leaving him. Needless to say, I did not get the job. I felt sad that I did not get it, felt that I had let Kurt down, but felt a big of relief as well because I had my answer. I felt like that was my way of knowing staying home was right. Still, coming from a family of workaholics, I still wondered sometimes if I was doing enough. Well, in my small group, there were about 3-4 other stay at home moms and it really helped me to open my eyes as to this really is the place for me right now and I wouldn't change it. Nobody is going to love and take care of Eli like I would. I am the best for him and right now with me is where he will be. I will also be watching children for some other teachers and when I said that, one of the other women said, "What a ministry." I hadn't thought of it that way, but it has definitely changed my perspective a little bit. (Please note, I am not putting down those moms that work, some moms love to work and some don't have a choice and that is understandable. There may come a time when I have to work as well)
One thing that I found awesome is that leading up to the coaches outreach, our preacher at church had preached on the importance of staying in your lane, running the race right, making sure that you remember what your goal is, and that those around you in the race to salvation are not your competition, that they are right there with you. Well, when we went to CO, the man that lead the sessions discussed that we do not need to let ourselves get distracted with worldly things, that we need to make sure Jesus is our focus. He used the example of Secretariat and how the horse ran the race with a lot of heart and wanted to go faster every 1/4 mile. This past Sunday, our preacher's sermon was about finishing the race. He talked about how we need to make sure we start well, but that how we finish is very important. He made references to Paul and how Paul knew when he was finishing his race and how he did it with so much heart. He then used the example...yep Secretariat. It's amazing to me that two different people preached on the exact same thing.How appropriate this ALL tied in to what the whole weekend was about.
I hope that when school gets underway and our lives become a crazy mess, that we remember that it is a beautiful mess as well. I hope that we can remember everything we learned over the course of that weekend and make sure we stick to making God first, and always remember to make time for each other and for Eli. I'm learning if Kurt and I neglect time together, Eli will suffer because Mommy and Daddy need to have a strong relationship for him to see. Like I said, you may read this and think that so much of it is things we should know, and for the most part we do, but it doesn't mean we don't let life get hectic and in the way and forget to give attention to things that are so important in our lives. I know this blog was long, but I couldn't make it any shorter without leaving out the things that meant so much to me that weekend, and I still feel like I did not even do it justice. If you are a coach or a coaches spouse, Coaches Outreach is wonderful and definitely something worth looking into.
