Before you start reading this, if you are one of those types of people that reads face book status’ or blogs and you get offended because you feel like it is directed at you, you may want to rethink reading this. I am writing this for my benefit, but I could be and probably am talking to you as well.
As many of you know, a friend of ours passed away recently. This death was not expected, was sudden, tragic, and the world has definitely lost a wonderful woman. My heart goes out to this family because I know they are grieving immensely. I’m not saying I know what they are feeling or what is going through their mind because I don’t, but I know they are hurting. I do however know what is going through my mind.
As I went out for a run shortly after learning about her death, my main purpose was to clear my head. Well I guess I could say I cleared it but one thought kept consuming me. “I cannot imagine what they are going through, what if that were me or someone in my family?” The thought only continued to weigh down on me. Would I be prepared for something so unexpected? Would I leave this earth with regrets or would I be certain that everything was as it should be when I left. Would the people I care about know that I do care? Have I told them enough? Why do we have such a hard time asking these questions of ourselves? It COULD be us, anytime. If you are reading this and thinking, “she’s right, so and so does need to think about this, they have wronged me, ect, ect.” Stop reading, you’re missing the point. This is not being written to examine other people and fault others. I’m writing this because I am asking these questions of MYSELF. If you choose to read this, I hope you will do the same.
My family, as it is no secret, are no strangers to drama. We all have it, some more than others. I have been “wronged” by people, I have “wronged” people. I have had things said to me that I’ve held onto because they made me angry, their words were hurtful, untrue, and just plain cruel. I’ve said things to people that are hurtful as well. I’m not above saying it. I don’t intentionally try to hurt someone, but I have, it happens. I’ve been hurt by people I have no relation to whatsoever and I’m sure I have hurt others as well. We all do it, don’t sit there and shake your head like you don’t, you know you do. (Again I warned you, don’t read this if you get offended..) You may not do it intentionally, but none of us are perfect either and shouldn’t claim to be. I’m certainly not.
Back to my original point. What if my end came tomorrow? No do over’s, no second chances. Would I be ready? I’m not talking necessarily in a spiritual sense, although I believe that should be our first thought and concern. I’m talking about with those around me. Maybe they go hand in hand. Can I be ready to leave this earth confident that I am going where I am supposed to if I have a bitter heart, things left unsaid, or have been unforgiving? Let me give an example. I have been hurt by someone in particular, we will call them BOB ( and they will remain nameless, and if you know who they are, please do not comment specifically regarding them) I have had things said to me by this person, done to me by this person that I could never even fathom doing or saying to someone, even someone I very much did not like. I’ve said things to and about them as well in response, doesn’t make it right, but I know I’ve done it. I held onto this anger for years and the other day, found myself rehashing some of the things done to me by this person to a friend. WHY? This was 2 years ago, some of it even longer. After discussing it with this friend, I felt miserable. It did me no good and brought me no satisfaction to talk about it again. If anything, it opened old wounds that should be forgotten. Time to move on. I started thinking about this more the other day while running and came to this conclusion. Why do I feel I am entitled to an apology? Why do we all feel we are entitled? Yes we expect to be treated well and treat others well, but why do we worry so much about what others are doing? How does holding onto this bitterness benefit me in the least? When I see God face to face and he tells me that I was bitter and unforgiving towards this person, and trust me, he will know whether you want him to or not, I’m sure that if I say, “well they hurt my feelings,” he won’t be saying, “Oh, you had your feelings hurt? That changes everything! I wouldn’t expect you to forgive someone like that!” I also doubt he says, “Well I am glad you worried so little about how you were acting and were more consumed with what someone else was doing.” Let me put it to you this way, if you feel the way I have about someone like this, and you preach to others that we need to be like Jesus…I bet Jesus didn’t get apologies from all of those people spitting on him, mocking him, hanging him on a cross to die, but I bet he forgave them. Do I think we are responsible for spreading Christ’s love and showing people the right way to go? Absolutely. Do I feel that I would be hypocritical if I did this but then walked around angry all of the time? Yeah I do. I don’t think I would be modeling a good Christian if I was mad all the time, I’m sure people would just look at me and see someone miserable and who would want to be like that?
Today I am choosing to change how I respond to others. I realize I cannot control others, but I can control myself. I’m not saying it is good to let others walk all over me, but I’m choosing to be the bigger person. If I have a disagreement with someone, whether I was right or wrong, it is my job to right it. Everybody should think that way, otherwise we are just being selfish. Waiting for that apology that we are not owed. God didn’t promise that people would always treat us fair and that we would always get validation that we were right in an argument and shame on us for expecting it. I think if we really have our eye on the bigger picture, the only thing we should expect in life is to someday go to heaven to be with our Father, if we did what was right. I’m choosing to remember that others are human and that so am I. That I am not above mistakes and that just because I feel someone else is wrong, doesn’t mean they are. And if they are? Thank goodness I’m not the one that has to pass the judgment in the end. I wouldn’t want that job!
I hope you found this beneficial if you chose to read it. Please remember this was my thinking about myself, but like I said, I don’t think anybody is above this behavior. I’m open to comments but if you are just going to try to start an argument just for the sake that I offended you, please reread this If it is constructive discussion, I’m completely okay with that. Below are some verses that I also like to turn to when I am struggling with the type of person I should be, especially in a conflict. I hope they are some help to you.
Psalm 73:21-22
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs.
Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
Proverbs 16: 18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Matthew 5:13-16
You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on it’s stand and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
Matthew 12:36-37
But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted and by your words you will be condemned.
