Coaches Outreach

Kurt and I recently had the wonderful opportunity to go to something called Coaches Outreach.  This was something that I had no idea even existed until this year, but someone at church mentioned it in a sermon and we were interested.  Thanks to some wonderful people that we know, we were able to go to Coaches Outreach a couple of weekends ago.  I was nervous and I know Kurt was, being the social butterfly that he is. (If you know my husband, you know being thrown into a group of people he does not know is stressful.)  Coaches Outreach is a marriage retreat for coaches and their spouses.  I was not sure what to expect when we got there.  It exceeded any expectations I might have had.  The food was so good ( I felt like all we did was eat!) and the man that did the music was hilarious and talented.  I bought one of his CDs because I liked the songs so much.  The greatest part of it though is that it showed so many coaches coming together and there were sessions and small groups in which we participated in and the weekend really emphasizes bringing and keeping God in your life, your family life, and your profession.  Here are some things that I took away from the weekend:


* There are other coaches wives or husbands out there that struggle, get lonely, frustrated, ect.  If you haven't been married to a coach, I don't think you can get this.  I knew Kurt wanted to be a coach from day 1, but I had NO clue that that entailed lots of early mornings, late nights, dinners alone, and weekends.  I was kind of shell shocked our first year of him coaching because he was gone all the time.  We had just moved and I didn't know anybody and that made it harder.  He would get up and leave before I was up, and I usually did not know when he would be home.  I spent a lot of time frustrated, sometimes angry, and even resentful towards Kurt and his career.  I think Kurt will be the first to say that he probably did not handle that first year the best that he could either, but I know now that my attitude could have been different. I met one lady at CO that truly loved every minute of her husband's career and said that she felt her attitude during that time needed to be very positive and uplifting.  I wish I had felt that way the first year.  I will say I was blessed enough to have other coaches wives around me that first year that were supportive and great women.  I hope that it is that way everywhere, but I doubt that it always the case.  So please, if you are a coaches wife, especially one that has been in that position for awhile, be supportive of the new coaches families moving in, take those younger coaches wives under your wing.  They may not always need it and that is something you can figure out along the way, but sometimes they will need it.  It was just so nice to get with other people that know what it is like to be married to a coach, even if you do it for years and years, there are hard moments and you need a good support system.  


* My attitude plays a huge role.  Like I said earlier, there was woman that said something that really stood out to me.  I think one spouse was voicing her dislike of football (and yes it is okay to not just LOVE sports if you marry a coach, but it will make it easier if you at least learn to like them) and this particular woman talked about how she loved football season, everything that went with it, and that she felt her attitude really needed to be positive and that she worked hard to be involved in what her husband was doing.  So rather than sulking and being frustrated all of the time, I could have changed how I was viewing the situation.  Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it is not okay for a coaches spouse to have those moments when they have just had enough, it will happen and it is okay.  But I know that my attitude needs to depend on me and not what is going on around me.  I need to roll with whatever happens and if I do get frustrated, learn to deal with it in the moment and let it go. I've learned firsthand that nothing good comes from Kurt coming home to an unhappy wife.  If  there is truly an issue, then we can discuss it after he's been home and has time to wind down.  


* Get your priorities straight.  If I don't have time in my day for God, then I need to rearrange my priorities.  This one sounds like it should be common sense right? Well I know I have a lot of days where I get up and get so busy that I never make time for God and that a lot of people do the same. Once August hits and football starts, it is so easy to get caught up and so busy that I don't make time for God and Kurt and I don't make time for each other.  We have been guilty of both of these in the past and they were both something we talked a lot about with our small group.  I think that anybody could benefit from remembering this.  Yes you have a job, yes you may spend a lot of time there, but if you aren't spending time with God and you are neglecting time with your family, you need to step back and take a look at the big picture and it's time to change some things.


* Staying home is important.  I love being a stay at home mom, but I have had moments where I struggled with my purpose.  I put a lot of pressure on myself recently when a job opened up and I applied and interviewed.  I did put everything I had into that interview, but I still felt very torn as well.  I have not worked since Eli was born and was so conflicted on leaving him.  Needless to say, I did not get the job.  I felt sad that I did not get it, felt that I had let Kurt down, but felt a big of relief as well because I had my answer.  I felt like that was my way of knowing staying home was right.  Still, coming from a family of workaholics, I still wondered sometimes if I was doing enough.  Well, in my small group, there were about 3-4 other stay at home moms and it really helped me to open my eyes as to this really is the place for me right now and I wouldn't change it. Nobody is going to love and take care of Eli like I would.  I am the best for him and right now with me is where he will be.  I will also be watching children for some other teachers and when I said that, one of the other women said, "What a ministry."  I hadn't thought of it that way, but it has definitely changed my perspective a little bit.  (Please note, I am not putting down those moms that work, some moms love to work and some don't have a choice and that is understandable.  There may come a time when I have to work as well)  


  One thing that I found awesome is that leading up to the coaches outreach, our preacher at church had preached on the importance of staying in your lane, running the race right, making sure that you remember what your goal is, and that those around you in the race to salvation are not your competition, that they are right there with you.  Well, when we went to CO, the man that lead the sessions discussed that we do not need to let ourselves get distracted with worldly things, that we need to make sure Jesus is our focus.  He used the example of Secretariat and how the horse ran the race with a lot of heart and wanted to go faster every 1/4 mile.  This past Sunday, our preacher's sermon was about finishing the race.  He talked about how we need to make sure we start well, but that how we finish is very important.  He made references to Paul and how Paul knew when he was finishing his race and how he did it with so much heart.  He then used the example...yep Secretariat.  It's amazing to me that two different people preached on the exact same thing.How appropriate this ALL tied in to what the whole weekend was about.  


I hope that when school gets underway and our lives become a crazy mess, that we remember that it is a beautiful mess as well.  I hope that we can remember everything we learned over the course of that weekend and make sure we stick to making God first, and always remember to make time for each other and for Eli.  I'm learning if Kurt and I neglect time together, Eli will suffer because Mommy and Daddy need to have a strong relationship for him to see.  Like I said, you may read this and think that so much of it is things we should know, and for the most part we do, but it doesn't mean we don't let life get hectic and in the way and forget to give attention to things that are so important in our lives.  I know this blog was long, but I couldn't make it any shorter without leaving out the things that meant so much to me that weekend, and I still feel like I did not even do it justice.  If you are a coach or a coaches spouse, Coaches Outreach is wonderful and definitely something worth looking into.     

Lessons learned the hard way

Before you start reading this, if you are one of those types of people that reads face book status’ or blogs and you get offended because you feel like it is directed at you, you may want to rethink reading this.  I am writing this for my benefit, but I could be and probably am talking to you as well.  

As many of you know, a friend of ours passed away recently.  This death was not expected, was sudden, tragic, and the world has definitely lost a wonderful woman.  My heart goes out to this family because I know they are grieving immensely.  I’m not saying I know what they are feeling or what is going through their mind because I don’t, but I know they are hurting.  I do however know what is going through my mind.

As I went out for a run shortly after learning about her death, my main purpose was to clear my head.  Well I guess I could say I cleared it but one thought kept consuming me.  “I cannot imagine what they are going through, what if that were me or someone in my family?”  The thought only continued to weigh down on me. Would I be prepared for something so unexpected?  Would I leave this earth with regrets or would I be certain that everything was as it should be when I left.  Would the people I care about know that I do care? Have I told them enough?  Why do we have such a hard time asking these questions of ourselves?  It COULD be us, anytime.  If you are reading this and thinking, “she’s right, so and so does need to think about this, they have wronged me, ect, ect.”  Stop reading, you’re missing the point.  This is not being written to examine other people and fault others.  I’m writing this because I am asking these questions of MYSELF.  If you choose to read this, I hope you will do the same.

My family, as it is no secret, are no strangers to drama.  We all have it, some more than others. I have been “wronged” by people, I have “wronged” people.  I have had things said to me that I’ve held onto because they made me angry, their words were hurtful, untrue, and just plain cruel.  I’ve said things to people that are hurtful as well.  I’m not above saying it.  I don’t intentionally try to hurt someone, but I have, it happens.  I’ve been hurt by people I have no relation to whatsoever and I’m sure I have hurt others as well.  We all do it, don’t sit there and shake your head like you don’t, you know you do. (Again I warned you, don’t read this if you get offended..) You may not do it intentionally, but none of us are perfect either and shouldn’t claim to be.  I’m certainly not.

Back to my original point. What if my end came tomorrow?  No do over’s, no second chances.  Would I be ready? I’m not talking necessarily in a spiritual sense, although I believe that should be our first thought and concern.  I’m talking about with those around me.  Maybe they go hand in hand.  Can I be ready to leave this earth confident that I am going where I am supposed to if I have a bitter heart, things left unsaid, or have been unforgiving?  Let me give an example.  I have been hurt by someone in particular, we will call them BOB ( and they will remain nameless, and if you know who they are, please do not comment specifically regarding them)  I have had things said to me by this person, done to me by this person that I could never even fathom doing or saying to someone, even someone I very much did not like. I’ve said things to and about them as well in response, doesn’t make it right, but I know I’ve done it.  I held onto this anger for years and the other day, found myself rehashing some of the things done to me by this person to a friend.  WHY?  This was 2 years ago, some of it even longer.  After discussing it with this friend, I felt miserable.  It  did me no good and brought me no satisfaction to talk about it again.  If anything, it opened old wounds that should be forgotten.  Time to move on.  I started thinking about this more the other day while running and came to this conclusion.  Why do I feel I am entitled to an apology?  Why do we all feel we are entitled?  Yes we expect to be treated well and treat others well, but why do we worry so much about what others are doing?  How does holding onto this bitterness benefit me in the least? When I see God face to face and he tells me that I was bitter and unforgiving towards this person, and trust me, he will know whether you want him to or not,  I’m sure that if I say, “well they hurt my feelings,” he won’t be saying, “Oh, you had your feelings hurt? That changes everything! I wouldn’t expect you to forgive someone like that!” I also doubt he says, “Well I am glad you worried so little about how you were acting and were more consumed with what someone else was doing.”  Let me put it to you this way, if you feel the way I have about someone like this, and you preach to others that we need to be like Jesus…I bet Jesus didn’t get apologies from all of those people spitting on him, mocking him, hanging him on a cross to die, but I bet he forgave them.  Do I think we are responsible for spreading Christ’s love and showing people the right way to go? Absolutely.  Do I feel that I would be hypocritical if I did this but then walked around angry all of the time?  Yeah I do.  I don’t think I would be modeling a good Christian if I was mad all the time, I’m sure people would just look at me and see someone miserable and who would want to be like that?

Today I am choosing to change how I respond to others.  I realize I cannot control others, but I can control myself.  I’m not saying it is good to let others walk all over me, but I’m choosing to be the bigger person.  If I have a disagreement with someone, whether I was right or wrong, it is my job to right it.  Everybody should think that way, otherwise we are just being selfish.  Waiting for that apology that we are not owed.  God didn’t promise that people would always treat us fair and that we would always get validation that we were right in an argument and shame on us for expecting it.  I think if we really have our eye on the bigger picture, the only thing we should expect in life is to someday go to heaven to be with our Father, if we did what was right.  I’m choosing to remember that others are human and that so am I.  That I am not above mistakes and that just because I feel someone else is wrong, doesn’t mean they are. And if they are?  Thank goodness I’m not the one that has to pass the judgment in the end.  I wouldn’t want that job!

I hope you found this beneficial if you chose to read it.  Please remember this was my thinking about myself, but like I said, I don’t think anybody is above this behavior.  I’m open to comments but if you are just going to try to start an argument just for the sake that I offended you, please reread this  If it is constructive discussion, I’m completely okay with that.  Below are some verses that I also like to turn to when I am struggling with the type of person I should be, especially in a conflict.  I hope they are some help to you.

Psalm 73:21-22
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs.

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 16: 18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Matthew 5:13-16
You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled by men.  You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on it’s stand and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 12:36-37
But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.  For by your words you will be acquitted and by your words you will be condemned.

I'm a loser!

That's what a few of us have called ourselves since we started this 8 week weight loss challenge and then finished it last week.  I say finished lightly because in fact, I'm not finished, it's turned into a lifestyle for me and I have no intention of stopping with the changes I have made.  While I know my new habits may seem weird to people that do not follow a similar lifestyle for whatever reason, for me it works.  I log everything into a food diary, including exercise and water, and try very hard no to go over my allowed calories for the day.  Some days I do try harder than others, everybody has a cheat time!  I have also been working out daily, if not, then at least 3 times a week.  Now if you have known me for a long time, you know that I did not work out and definitely did not watch what I ate. So this past January, a friend mentioned this wonderful fitness website she uses and I decided, why not.  To be honest, in the back of my mind, I was like, "there is NO way I'm going to stick with this!"  I never had before.  Well, 20 lbs later and lighter, I have to say that I am super glad that I have stuck with it!  I feel better, I look better, and for the first time in probably 4-5 years, I'm not dreading wearing summer clothes!  It's amazing to me that I had it in me to do this all of this time, but just didn't push myself.  


Getting started was much easier because I had an inspiration.  Now I had ALWAYS had motivation, Kurt and Eli are my motivators to keep at it and be healthy for them and myself.  My inspiration however is a fellow coaches wife that was out running everyday,  and not just that, but talked about it like it was fun!  What???  In my experience, running was not fun, working out was not fun!  Well I finally thought, okay maybe there is something to this.  I started with the C25K as well as watching what I ate and cutting soda down to one a day or less.  Now I can run 2 miles (not fast), have not had a real soda since January (I do have a diet one once in a while) and Jillian Michaels kicks my butt at least 2 times a week, no lie, she's brutal! I also really did start looking at what I was eating and was baffled by some of the things I was putting into my body.  I still indulge, don't get me wrong, but I make it much less frequent and always look at calories. I also did the Herbalife shakes, which I normally do not buy into weight loss stuff, but I do feel this tasted great and really worked!  


My biggest surprise though when it came to this fitness routine other than the fact that I did in fact stick with it?  The negativity I felt from some people that I expected to share in my happiness.  Now, I do not think that anybody intentionally put off a negative feel towards it, but sometimes I felt my weight loss was met more with bitterness than what I felt should be a good thing and hopefully inspire someone else the way I was inspired.   I will tell anybody who asks, if you really want to change, it's going to hurt, you're going to sweat, you won't be able to eat everything that you used to all the time, and it is not an instant gratification thing, IT TAKES WORK! So I hope that people realize when others around them are working hard and losing weight, it's not just an easy thing, they are working at it.  


Please know, I am not in any way telling anybody they need to lose weight, but just sharing how great this change has been for me and I know anybody out there can make a change if they want to.  I couldn't have done it without my husbands support, the support of the people doing the challenge with me, and myself really pushing me past my comfort level.  And of course as I mentioned, I probably wouldn't have even started had it not been for seeing someone else loving this lifestyle so much and sharing that with others.  So if you every want to get started at a new life, just remember that YOU can! 

Starting Out

A lot of my friends have blogs and I have been thinking about starting one for sometime, just a way to give a more detailed update on our lives without having to write a book on facebook.  Not sure if anybody will ever read it, but who knows and really I don't mind if nobody does.

School is starting to wind down.  I am especially excited for this Summer because this will be the first Summer in two years that we haven't moved!  I want to just enjoy the time with Kurt and Eli and relax!  I was not thrilled  last Summer when we decided to move, but when the position here in Welch worked out, we had to take it.  It was what Kurt had wanted for a long time and so much closer to home.  Looking back now and knowing what I know, this turned out to be a very wise decision and good move for us.  There are some people I miss back in Gustine, but I think that this year would have been very different for us had we stayed.  The people here have been very welcoming and I have enjoyed this year a lot!  I have been very happy here and am so glad that my husband wanted this job, despite my reservations about moving when we didn't have to.  It definitely worked out for the best!  Lesson learned, we don't always know what is best for us...but someone does!